This morning, as I realized I was driving in for my last Tuesday of classes this semester, it really hit me that I'm at the end of the second year of my training already! Time has done strange things since I started grad school. On the one hand, it has gone very fast- it feels like just yesterday that I was starting my orientation in the summer before my first year. On the other hand, I feel so different from when I started that it sometimes feels like a lot more than two years have gone by. There have been some huge changes in my personal life but I think it's the whole 'developing professional self' thing that has really astounded me. To me, this has included (in no particular order)...
- Professional Confidence- this category is huge and encompasses new feelings of competence doing the in-the-trenches work of a psychologist, appreciation of what there is still to learn (and trusting that I'll figure it out when the time comes), a sense of professional identity and a loose understanding of long-term career aspirations.
- Personal Confidence- harder to articulate, but something feels different, more complete and secure. Perhaps it's just the sense of 'at last I've found the career I want,' and the attendant satisfaction and feelings of resolution, after so much time spent searching and preparing.
- Public speaking- always scary, but much less painful.
- How I think- In some really basic way, my thinking itself has shifted since I started my training. Some might say I "think like a psychologist," but I don't think that's entirely it. I think there is an enhanced critical thinking, curiosity and openness that people learn in all kinds of doctoral trainings- it's not exclusive to psychologists. That said, surely there is something about being trained as a psychologist that gives it a unique flavor- perhaps a mix of:
scientific rigor
healthy skepticism
tolerance for uncertainty, nuance, subtlety
listening skills
open-heartedness
respect for individual experience
enhanced self-understanding.
- Writing- I've always been reasonably confident as a writer, but even moreso now after doing so much of it in the last two years! It's weird, nobody officially re-sets the bar, rings a bell and tells you to start writing at the 'graduate level' (vs. the undergraduate level), but somehow it happens. I think, in part, it's from the required readings becoming more complex and sophisticated, and the natural tendency to mimic that voice when doing my own writing.
Just a few of the articulable changes over the last few years...
kate.
- Location:Back in Massachusetts
Today was an especially nice day. I saw three clients back-to-back for individual psychotherapy sessions, 45 minutes each, all in the same sunny little office (which was actually pretty impressive- as students we don't have our own offices and finding space can be really tough). When I was done, I finished up a little paperwork, and headed home.
As I was driving home, I realized "hey! I bet that's what private practice will feel like!" It was so exciting! I love these little momentary surges of satisfaction when I realize I'm actually doing the things I've long held as career goals. I think, since the educational track at school is so intense, and since students are always looking forward to the next hoop to jump through, it's easy to forget the fact that, at least in a way, we've already arrived. Although still only a student trainee, I am entrusted with the responsibilities of a psychologist; I'm doing the work. I always get excited when I realize this, and feel a flush of gratitude for (1) my own hard work and discipline in choosing this path and sticking with it, (2) MSPP, for seeing my potential and accepting me to their program, and (3) my field site supervisors who are willing to toss responsibility my way and trust I can handle it.
I have never envisioned myself being able to handle too many hours of private practice and I get antsy just thinking about psychotherapists who see 6 or 8 clients in a day. Even if it was only one day a week, that seems like a LOT to me for one day! It never seemed like it would be good for the patient, either, especially the ones 'lucky' enough to be booked late in the day after you've already sat through a handful of other sessions and are getting tired.
Today, though, I started to see how people can do it. I had those three sessions and was actually feeling really good, like I could have easily done at least one or two more (with a lunch break in the middle somewhere, of course). I was feeling energized and competent and like my clients were getting better. I could see how people can really get into private practice, and it opened me up a little bit and made me open to the possibility of doing it more than I had originally imagined. I felt like a lot of my training was starting to sink in and somehow culminated in these new feelings of energy and mastery. Yes, there's still a lot to learn- but it was a refreshing moment of confidence on the journey...
kate.
First, 'for business', I went to a five-day conference in San Francisco sponsored by the Gerontological Society of America, one of the big organizations for people in the field of aging (which is huge and multidisciplinary, from public policy to primary care to psychology to epidemiology... and thensome). One of my MSPP professors suggested I attend and it was a great, overwhelming and very educational experience. Got to meet some interesting people and take lots of great workshops.
Now I'm in Vancouver, Canada, and have begun the 'for pleasure' portion of my trip. That said, I have discovered that I can never really escape the demands of grad school. Although I had intended to get everything done before getting on the airplane, it just didn't happen. Also, at the last minute I realized I had some extra work to do for my Rorschach class. So, my luggage got rearranged, and the Rorschach books, a folder of field placement materials, and readings for my Humanistic class all got packed. I guess it is "Reading Week" for me after all!
Moral of the story? Once you start grad school, you are in it, 24/7. It's a big commitment and you had better love being a student, love reading about psychology, love thinking it and writing it and living it. Because it sort of takes over your life, and even on vacation, has a way of worming its way into your luggage...
Happy Thanksgiving!
kate.
- Location:West Coast
- Mood:
amused - Music:Bob Dylan
Profile
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
msppstudentlife- msppstudentlife
- MA School of Professional Psychology